hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
