Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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