11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
