Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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