Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
