I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
