I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
