I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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