apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
