Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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