i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
