The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
