I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
