This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
