i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
