my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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