Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am available for nakedness
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
