I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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