omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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