Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
