I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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