kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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