she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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