Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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