So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
