This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
