Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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