this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
