Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
