i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
