it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
