This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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