If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize