matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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