your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
