really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
