I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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