I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
