i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
