shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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