Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
