That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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