I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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