this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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