if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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