fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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