Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Houston, we have a squirter
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize