Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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