my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
