Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
