Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
