Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
