my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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