what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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