I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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