Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
accomplished twins. life is a go
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
