Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
