My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize