tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
