I heard we made out
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
