Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
