The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
