Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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