I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
