Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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