I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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