There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
