Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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