im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
