i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
