remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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