I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
