I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
