So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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