Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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