I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
