I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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