fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
