dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
