So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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