Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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