I could have mohawked her pubes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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