bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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