I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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