i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He? As in you personified your dick?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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