Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
