mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize