Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
