for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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