three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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